Karkat Troll Spider8itch
by N21LightForce
Summary: Your name is KARKAT VANTAS, a survivor of two failed sessions of SBURB. Her name is VRISKA SERKET, the new leader of a group of teenagers she has no idea how to really help.


carcinoGeneticist(CG) began trolling arachnidsGrip(AG)

 **CG: VRISKA, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU, NOW.**

 **AG: Ugh..What is it?**

 **CG: IT'S ABOUT YOUR LITTLE 'PEP TALKS'**

 **CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR ISSUE?!**

 **CG: WITH JAKE, AND THE OTHER YOU?**

 **AG: The other me is a fucking idiot, and Jake is almost as useless as you.**

 **CG: I MAY BE USELESS, BUT I DON'T THINK IT'S FAIR TO CALL HIM USELESS**

 **CG: OTHER YOU WAS HAPPY, YOU OBTUSE BITCH!**

 **CG: YOU RUINED HER AFTERLIFE, YOU MADE JAKE EVEN WORSE- YOURE A HORRIBLE LEADER WHEN IT COMES TO MAKING THINGS BETTER! BUT WHAT ELSE IS NEW; YOURE THE ONE WHO CAUSED OUR SESSION'S FLAWS TOO, OTHER THEN THE VIRUS!**

 **CG: LIKE, WHY DID I THINK YOU COULD CHANGE?**

 **CG: BECAUSE THE HUMANS BLINDED ME TO HOW TROLLS ARE? BECAUSE I WAS DESPERATE AFTER EVERYTHING?**

 **CG: IM SUCH AN IDIOT**

 **AG: Even though Jake has the potential to 8e useful, he's still an emotional fucking wreck. Other me may have 8een happy, 8ut that happiness caused her to 8e a weak piece of shit. As for me 8eing a horri8le leader, you shouldn't 8e talking. Remem8er when you were still the leader? You were the worst!**

 **AG: At least I'm actually capa8le of 8eing useful and getting shit done.**

 **AG: I may not have changed much, 8ut that's pro8a8ly for the 8etter.**

 **AG: If I would have changed, then who knows where we'd 8e right now?**

 **AG: We could all 8e dead 8y this point!**

 **AG: 8ut we're not.**

 **CG: NO, IF YOU WERE DEAD, SO WOULD WE**

 **CG: THAT ISN'T MY POINT**

 **CG: WHEN SOMEONE IS UPSET WITH THEMSELF, YOU DON'T GO AND MAKE THEM FEEL WORSE**

 **CG: HE'S A *PAGE*!**

 **CG: ]YOU KNOW HOW THEY WORK!**

 **CG: AND I DID GET SHIT DONE, ALBEIT BY RUNAROUND, BUT HEY! AT LEAST IT WORKED!**

 **CG: YOURE GOING TO GET EVERYONE WHO ISN'T GODTIER SLAUGHTERED AT THIS RATE, VRISKA**

 **CG: BUT WHAT DO YOU CARE?**

 **CG: YOU'RE GODTIER, SO WHAT IF A FEW PEOPLE DIE IN THE COLLATERAL, RIGHT?\**

 **CG: KANAYA AND I DONT SEEM TO MATTER TO YOU**

 **CG: SINCE IM SO USELESS, AND KANAYA CAN'T USE HER SPACE POWERS**

 **AG: There was much 8etter ways to go a8out the things that you got done. And you're right, I do know how pages work. They can 8e useful when they're not sitting around like a useless rock.**

 **CG: TEREZI? AT LEAST HER POWERS WORK**

 **AG: And I've 8een thinking a8out what to do with you and Kanaya.**

 **CG: AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD VRISKA**

 **CG: JUST- LET ME THROW A WEIRD IDEA OUT HERE**

 **CG: BLOOD PLAYERS ARE SUPPOSED TO HELP WITH UNITY, RIGHT?**

 **CG: WHY DON'T I TRY AND TALK TO DIRK AND THEM'**

 **CG: THEY MAY NOT BE EXACTLY *TRUSTING* OF TROLLS, BUT I CAN AT LEAST PATCH UP THEIR SESSIONS FATAL RELATIONSHIP FLAW**

 **AG: Yeah, I highly dou8t you could help with unity. Even if you are a 8lood player. I mean, honestly, your social skills are fucked waaaaaaaay 8eyond repair.**

 **CG: COMING FROM YOU?**

 **AG: The most you could do is yell at them until they pretend to listen just to get you to shut up.**

 **CG: THAT MEAN SHIT FUCK ALL**

 **CG: *MEANS))**

 **CG: AND I'M CAPABLE OF TALKING WITHOUT SCREAMING! I'M JUST USING MY QUIRK! LIKE YOUR ANNOYING '8' HABIT**

 **AG: Karkat, after the sweeps of knowing you, I've already managed to conclude that you only have one volume.**

 **AG: Which is o8noxiously loud.**

 **CG: RUDE**

 **CG: YOU'RE JUST AS OBNOXIOUS AS ME, ADMIT IT**

 **CG: BY THE WAY, I'M STILL PISSED ABOUT YOU LOCKING GAMZEE IN THE FRIDGE**

 **AG: I'm not nearly as o8noxious as you. At least people can stand to listen to me for more than two minutes without wanting to rip off their ears. And unless you want to risk Gamzee going on another rampage, he's staying in the fridge**

 **CG: I CAN HELP HIM IF YOU'D LET ME! I'M HIS MOIRAIL!**

 **CG: NOT THAT YOU'D UNDERSTAND THAT**

 **CG: YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE, AND THIS IS WHY I CAN'T HANDLE YOU, DO YOU REALIZE THAT? I'M OFFERING HELPFUL IDEAS AND YOU'RE BASING JUDGEMENT ON THEM BASED ON THE ME YOU KNEW THREE YEARS AGO!**

 **CG: YOU'VE BARELY ACKNOWLEDGED ME IN THAT TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT ME?**

 **CG: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING**

 **CG: PAST ME WAS AN IDIOT**

 **CG: I NEVER STOPPED THINKING THAT**

 **CG: PAST *YOU* WAS AN IDIOT TOO**

 **AG: I'm 8asing them off of you three years ago 8ecause you haven't changed a 8it! You're still an o8noxious, useless, idiotic asshole. May8e if you actually managed to change any of those traits then I might of actually listened to you more.**

 **CG: BUT I'M WILLING TO TRY AND MOVE PAST IT**

 **CG: NO, VRISKA, YOU WOULDN'T**

 **AG: Yes, I would. You would have no way of knowing, 8ecause as I've said, you haven't changed.**

 **CG: TELL ME SOMETHING. IF I WAS THE SAME AS I WAS THREE YEARS AGO, WOULDN'T DAVE AND ROSE HATE ME? JOHN COULDN'T STAND ME**

 **CG: AND *YET***

 **CG: HE'S ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS, DAVE THAT IS, AND YOU SAW YOURSELF HOW DISASTROUS US TALKING BEFORE WAS.**

 **CG: LET ME TRY TO TALK TO THEM**

 **AG: John likes everyone no matter what, Rose just somehow manages to toler8te you like the rest of us, and you and Dave have always 8een some sort of friends.**

 **AG: You've literally proven nothing.**

 **CG: IF I FAIL, I FAIL, AND YOU CAN SHOVE ME INTO A GODDAMN VOLCANO OR SOMETHING**

 **CG: AND NO, DAVE AND I WEREN'T EVEN CLOSE TO FRIENDS BEFORE**

 **CG: GIVE ME A CHANCE. A *REAL* CHANCE**

 **AG: Whatever. Just go talk to them. At least then you won't 8e talking to me.**

 **CG: THIS MAY SOUND CRAZY, BUT I BELIEVE IN YOUR LEADERSHIP ABILITIES**

 **CG: YOU'RE A GOOD PERSON DEEP DOWN, VRISKA**

 **CG: ALL OF US ARE.**

 **CG: SEE YA**


End file.
